As I am an unmarried man, it may seem presumptive for me to discuss the nature of marriage, and indeed I claim no personal authority except as a semi-educated, amateur philosopher. I am not sure whether to do a post on marriage first, and then homosexuality or the other way around. The contemporary moral and political issues and ambiguities surrounding each are closely related. I think I will discuss them both in terms of the nature of gender.
As I have discussed sexual immorality in some detail, the inordinate desire which accompanies the practice of fornication and homosexuality will not be here considered. My main intention is to show that marriage is a moral and spiritual reality that meets the specific relational needs of the soul. I am concerned here with “immorality” only in so far as it disrupts the natural relations of the human being.
Gender is something we as human beings share with much of the animal kingdom; and it is likely that the higher beings such as angels do not share in it, at least in quite the same way. This is because gender as we know it is to a large part a matter of the dispositions, capacities, and needs of an animal body capable of reproduction. Whether we marry or not, the possibilities for biological human life remain a part of us, and indeed they shape who we will be forever. Our bodily properties and relations are a large part of our lives.
Gender is defined by means of a relation. If there were only one gender or one possible gender, sexuality would not be a very useful kind of thing. The nature of the male and female emerges in the male’s relation to the female, and vice versa. This is best seen in the actual act and maintenance required for procreation, though one can speak of it a little more generally.
Marriage is a matter of mutual giving and receiving, but with an emphasis on the man giving himself to the woman, and the woman receiving him in turn. This is not passive on the part of either. To realize his full capacities, a man must confer himself, and his whole life on a woman. Similarly to realize her own capacities a woman must actively receive and welcome the a man and his love. When this is done well, a beautiful arrangement is formed and healthy children emerge from this matrix of effective love. Studying the traditional marriage service from the Book of Common Prayer bears out some of the details.
Marriage is a special relation, created by God either directly or indirectly. The oaths of the traditional service activate it, as well as the pronouncements of the priest, judge, or minister who administrates the vows. Thus, ‘What God has joined together, let no man separate.’ This bond is a biological, spiritual, and civil state into which one enters, although today it is thought to be merely a civil reality, or perhaps rather trivial biological needs.
Today the battle rages over the legal issues surrounding marriage, in particular whether or not it should be extended to homosexual unions. And if marriage were merely a civil or legal matter, one would have to say of course it can and should be extended to homosexuals.
But it is in fact true that marriage cannot be extended to homosexual unions, because its profound biological basis. The deep need that it meets is the giving and receiving for the other person’s sake. This is deeper than the affections one has for the other, the sexual fulfillment provided, or one’s own preferences. The ontological relations behind gender make it so.
And here I think, is the important point of Jesus where he says that in the resurrection men and women will neither marry nor be given in marriage. He meant that the physical reality of procreation and the succession of generations would no longer be what it is now. This does not mean that those who are married here will not enjoy a special relationship in the hereafter. But it does mean that marriage as we know it is intimately bound up in the process of generation and corruption, i.e. biological life and death.
A man is suited psychological and physically to be the head of a household. The woman is suited physically and psychologically to administer the intimate level of care that a young child needs. This is a matter of the way in which the two sexes are oriented towards each other, as well as oriented outwardly in general. It is not dependent on the feelings, intelligence or intentions of the man or woman. (Here I would quickly say that I do not think either men or women are inferior to the other in terms of intelligence and moral/spiritual capacities. But that is a story for another time.)
Although marriage is very much a matter of mutual giving and receiving, as philosophers have pointed out through the ages the man has a fundamental need to give himself and be received, whereas the woman has a need to receive and be given to. Marriage meets these needs and brings life from them.
Beyond that, it has an essential place in the broader relations of life. Every person is a son, or a daughter and a grandchild, most are brothers or sisters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and cousins. But central to all of these relations is the capacity to be a husband or wife, a father or mother, and a grandfather or grandmother. A union (whether homosexual or heterosexual) which is not conferred by God or society upon an honest oath and confession is a violation in one way or another of these broader relationships. It is out of place in the cyclic, mortal, and physical order in which we now live. And it is devastating to those who stand in relation to the members of the false or superficial union.
This is a major part of why living with a woman with whom one is not married is wrong. It violates the wider relations of the soul; and it also takes something from the other person which was not appropriately given in the realm of the spiritual needs and possibilities. This violation of the landscape of natural relations is the basis of the wrongness of cohabitation and same sex marriages (Now with what we have said about gender, I think that homosexuality is much more damaging, to all involved, than mere fornication or cohabitation. But it is best to do neither).
Now in some circumstances adoption may be the best course, but in general it is best for a child to be raised by the same people who physically gave him or her life. That is part of the psychological needs of a human being. A same sex union cannot do this, even with all of the advances in modern medicine.
And in particular, a same sex union deprives the child of either a mother or a father, and often of many of the wider relationships, depending on the particular situation.
But beyond this, an cohabitation or homosexual union deprives others of many of the peripheral and stabilizing relationships of life. It is to step out of the reality of siblings and siblings-in-laws and all of the other relationships already mentioned. And a willful neglect or defiance of such relationships results in ruptures in the most fundamental structure of the soul. For one’s own sake, sex should be done only in marriage, and no one should seek a homosexual union.
I must say, loudly and clearly, like in the previous post about abortion, my intention is not to show that God shakes his fist at sexual deviancy. That may or may not be true; there certainly is some evidence that these things are taken into account at the day of judgment. My intention rather is to demonstrate or suggest that the very relations of the soul require a special care in issues such as gender. As said earlier, this is because gender and sexuality form the basis, directly or indirectly of the most important life relations. To ignore this is to saw off the branches which uphold us.